April 25

I’m not good enough!


In the journey of life, it's often the case that things seem to get worse before they get better. This is a lesson that I have found myself learning over and over again. In my recent update video, I shared that I was going through a rough patch, and since then, things have taken a turn for the worse. I've struggled with my physical health and behavior, particularly with drinking. I had a blackout binge session, and it was a wake-up call for me.

I realized that I had put too much pressure on myself to get things perfect and right. I started training too hard, too quickly, which led to an injury. I also tried to document my journey through videos, which ended up adding more stress and pressure. I found myself feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed, and it became clear to me that I needed to take a step back and focus on myself.

I've come to understand that I have a tendency to set high expectations for myself and put unnecessary pressure on my own shoulders. I've also grappled with the question of why I make these videos and share my personal struggles with the world. I've questioned whether it's for external accountability or attention, and I've realized that I need to reevaluate my intentions and motivations.

While I still have a long way to go in getting my emotions back under control, I've taken steps to seek help and prioritize my well-being. I've learned that it's okay not to have everything figured out and to acknowledge that I'm a work in progress. I've also recognized the importance of seeking real-world connections and support, rather than relying solely on online content for solutions.

In the midst of this self-reflection, I've come to the realization that I may have lost sight of why I started making these videos in the first place. I've questioned whether I should continue on this path and have resolved to focus on what truly matters to me. I want to live my best life, enjoy the present moment, and be grateful for what I have.

So, as I navigate this period of self-discovery and growth, I've decided to step back from creating elaborate content plans and flashy production. Instead, I may share occasional insights or discoveries as they come to me. Ultimately, I want to prioritize taking care of myself and living authentically.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings and reflections. I'm going to focus on tending to my well-being now.


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